Cate

  Cate is the Director at Westwood United Methodist Church Preschool. Her name was Mary Catherine. I never pronounced her name correctly before. I always called her, “Director” until she changed her name to “Cate”. In this school every one treated her with respect. The first time I saw her, I was with Mary, who was my English teacher and took me there for my interview. Cate was not a tall lady, with the typical figure of perfect elegance. She dressed fashionably and beautifully. I always said to her, “You are very up to date.”  She spoke very quickly English without a smile. She was the smartest and most efficient lady you could imagine. She always tried to discover the quickest and most efficient way of doing the things the members of the preschool had to do. She was a fair and square person. I love her so much.

When I worked at the preschool, I didn’t know how to speak English at all. Also I had a difficult time working with Vilma.  She came from South Africa and she laughed at my English all the time. She always went to the office to tell Cate that I had done something wrong, even if it wasn’t my fault. Then she said that what she told to Cate and how Cate had replied. Sometimes she said semi-smiling, “You can go upstairs too, but I bet, you don’t know how to talk.” I knew Cate wouldn’t believe her. She always had her own mind, but I was still very upset at Vilma’s kind of disdain. I remembered one day we were in the kitchen, and she asked me to wash dishes for her. I didn’t want to talk to her and then I said to her, “No English.” She was very mad and said, “Stupid.” I didn’t know what stupid meant. When my break came, I called Mary to find out what “stupid” meant. A vague feeling of sadness came over me, I felt inclined to cry, but I had an instinctive disinclination to let other people see my tears, and I clenched my teeth to prevent the sobs from escaping. She had done many bad things too. It really hurt my feelings and I felt indignant. I knew my English was not good enough to protect myself. I tried to study English as hard as I could. I wrote things in my diary when Vilma hurt me. Most of the time I was depressed about my English. I dreamed that some day I could speak English well enough than I could yell at her, “Stop hurting me.” At that time, I met Ben. I told him the whole story. He told me that if she hurt me again I could say, “Asshole” to her.

Half a year later, my English had gotten much better, I told myself that I wasn’t going to let her hurt me anymore. I started to say something to her when she laughed at me. One day, I was talking to Halina then Vilma stopped me and said, “Stupid idea.” I was so mad and I said to her, “Shut up, dumb asshole”. Halina couldn’t stop laughing; she was so amazed that I could say that to Vilma. My nostrils were twitching, as though I were literally breathing fire. Vilma was shocked by my rudeness. She went to the other teacher’s class, and cried, and cried. After I said to her, I felt so good. All the anger in my heart had been released.

The next day, Cate was really angry. It was the first time I had seen her angry like that. That night, I was so upset that I didn’t get to sleep till quite late, and I awoke in the morning and began brooding over the way they had treated me. I knew Vilma was ashamed to tell the truth. She could only say that I had yelled her. I knew I hadn’t yelled at her, but I was ashamed to repeat those words in front of Cate. I understood why Cate was angry. She didn’t want me to say that in the school. So my only chance was to let it pass.

Cate is still Cate. She still helped me a lot. Anytime I needed her, she never refused to give me a hand. She helped me to improve my English. She had lots of patience with me. She encouraged me to tell her my questions and my problems. Also she taught me how to forgive people, and she taught me how to be face the mistakes I had made. I remember in 1991, I went to San Jose for a teacher’s conference. I was so nervous about my English, and I didn’t want to go. She encouraged me to go, and found a partner for me. The last day, we sat in the lobby, and I told her a story I had learned from the class. She simply sat there. Her smiling eyes looked at me with eagerness, and her expression helped me forget my poor English. I felt myself floating in the wind. I gave inward thanks that she had great patience. Cate was kind, and affectionate, but very serious. Sometimes Cate was funny too. One day, I went to the bathroom. I had just entered the stall when someone spoke to me, “Is this Guangyu”? From the voice, I knew it was Cate. I felt so surprised, “How did you know it was me?” The question flew out of my mouth. I stood behind the door and even forgot to peepee. She said, “I know it is you, I heard your footsteps.” “Gosh” I said, “I wish I had known it was you in the that stall, I would have turned off the lights and left you in the dark.”  At the same time I relaxed on the toilet and I heard some quick footsteps, I thought that something was going to happen, but at that moment I couldn’t stop my peepee. The bathroom lights turned off and someone left me in the dark. I screamed, “Shit!” I said to myself, “Next time, I will never say it first.  I need to do it first and then I won’t leave myself in the dark.

I am pretty stubborn. When I was stuck with a problem, Cate always could find a way to let me relax. I learned from her, to always feel happy at the moment. There was nothing that was irrevocable. Nothing was finished. Nothing was ever lost. I felt lighter, there was a way out.